I have always been quite content with being whom I am. The fact that I have never dated around makes me feel more positive, because I thanked God for keeping me pure.

I live in Canada as a Chinese Canadian, but I never had major identity crises. I was upset before for not speaking perfect English because a girl I admired was a Canadian Asian who spoke perfect English, but overall I was okay with being myself.

This time, the episode with the neighborhood girl and the police caused me to feel self-conscious about my age and ethnicity. Age bothers me much more than me being Chinese. I know Asian guy is quite popular too, but the North American (U.S.  and Canadian) seems to be very resistant to a bigger age difference. There are quite a few negative labels. I didn’t care much before, because I looked young for my age, but this time I cared.

Then New Year Eve came. I was still quite affected by the issue, and visited forums and websites with asian-and-white interracial dating themes to look for some hopes. I hoped I was still in the age range that could be accepted by attractive, young white women. I never had an interest in a white woman before until recently. I found that they could be sweet and traditional too, and mixed children looked really cute, so I kind of picture what it was like to have “white” kids after I marry.

By the way, I was taking a walk in the mall and ran into my friends, a white-husband-Chinese-wife couple, whom I knew in University before they got married. Maybe God was trying to tell me something? A comfort of some sort?

But the issue I am facing here is age, so…

Tonight I drove around after the hotpot. I also had replied to some craiglist ads from white ladies who are looking for men to date in NYE. I wrote I wasn’t going to date them, but just wanted to talk. I wanted to know what they thought about my age and appearance. It was probably a dangerous move. There were many possibilities. An obvious possibility is sexual temptation. A lot of the women were looking for white guys and stated it in the ads. Some younger women were looking for guys who were their ages, so it only made me more uncomfortable, knowing that I was outside of their age range.

I missed my youth.

As I drove around, I kept quoting God’s word. Then I felt that my peace and strength were coming back. I felt like the usual me again. I was able to envision what my ministry was heading, that the New Testament Churches are going to be built, and God will attract a lot of people from different background, ages, and race through me and my team as we build the Lord’s churches. It was encouraging.

I really shouldn’t be self-conscious about my age and enthicity. As I age, I will age gracefully and slowly, because I know that I am spiritual and I live on the supernatural plane. God will renew my youth and I will defy aging. If I have faith, it will keep being that way. If I doubt, I will indeed get old faster.

My future wife is still out there waiting. I have been praying for her since age 10. I don’t think my future disciples will find me repulsive because I am older. I believe that as I mature I will be like old wine, which taste better. The older I get the more glory! So what if my future partner meet cross my path as a teenage girl?

I did’t bend on getting a young girl. It just happened to be a young, white lady that I became interested in.

This NYE was quite a learning experience. God taught me how it feel to be lonely on NYE. There are many lonely people who are suffering. A NYE is a good time to reach out to them and give them the love they need. It is the time to heal the sick, to give to the poor, to hug the lonely, and other godly things.

My Past Depression

Depression used to be my torturer.

This event reminded me of my old depression. In fact, the familiar voice of depression was trying to talk in my head again. The word of God dissipated its voice this time, again. It was so effective, just like it has always been.

Depression tried to make me feel self-pity and regret. It tried to tell me how many attractive girls I have failed to notice, and opportunties they gave me that I missed. It was trying to tell me that my youth has been passing me by and I would never get it back again.

I remembered how my depression said things that upset me in 2002 when the girl I had admired for so long finally met a new boyfriend. Since then depression had been following me, using different events and episode to keep me depressed. The cycles reinforced themselves. The more I depressed, the more I was made weak. The more I was weak, the more opportunities I missed or failed to notice. The more I failed, the more I depressed.

I remembered how in 2006 I finally recognized my vicious, self-feeding, ever-growing, depressive pattern after a tip-off from God, and decided to repent of my depressive thinking, and then started to listen to God’s word exclusively. It healed my depression.

If I wasn’t so depressed, so self-pitying, so doubtful, and so vocal about my depressing thoughts, I would have been 10 times more successful and happy overall. My career would have took off much earlier and maybe I am already with the best girl by now.

But I knew it was unrealistic to think that way, because the lessons I had learned over the years were so complicated, so hard, so subtle, so mult-layered that I would never had guessed what they were 10 years ago. I would never had recognized the lessons I needed to learn from scratch. It really took time and real life lessons to internalize them.

The main lesson I learned was faith. How would I ever guessed that the institutional churches had never really taught me what faith really was and how it actually worked?

See, I am speaking hopes here. I have ministry to look forward to. I can envision people gather together as a real, biblical church. I have hopes that people are going to change.

In Hell, there are no hopes. The damned is forever hopeless. It gave us all the more reason to cherish the hopes we have on earth, although it is full of hurt, loneliness, and suffering. Don’t be depressed. It lied to you and would tell you to commit suicide, but in Hell there will only be thousand times of suffering and hopelessness we have on earth.

Let’s be joyful, thankful, and hopeful for the gift of life and look forward to a victorious New Year. God Bless!

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Shocked by the fact that probably half the churchgoers will end up in Hell if they die at this moment.

I learned a while ago that a born again Christian can lose his or her salvation.

I accepted that as truth.

But there is a huge aftermath after.

These days, I kept finding out things that Christians do on a regular basis that can get them to Hell if they keep doing them without repentance. The shocks kept coming, because I kept discovering more and more of those sins that Christians don’t have any guilt over.

What to do? What can I do to save my brothers?

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The book talks about how a pastor and his small church had prayed for 30 nights in 2005. They encountered demons, many many demons, met Jesus frequently, visited heaven and hell, protected by angels, and received gifts of the Holy Spirit.

Half of the church had their spiritual eyes opened, so they could literally see the spiritual realm, and what they described about what were really going on spiritually matched what I read from other testimonies of Christians who had visited heaven and hell, battled with demons, and met God.

They couldn’t have been making it all up, because the experience of this little Korean church couldn’t have so many similarities with other testimonies from around the globe if they were lying. And I found no direct conflicts of their experience and theology with the Bible.

It really deepened the understanding of my own Christian walk. The branches of Christianity I have been part of had been under-educated in demonology, and as a result so many of us are defenseless against demons and Satan.

It enlightened me why I have lost so many battles in the past, even though I have done almost everything I have been taught by every great Christian book and every pastor I could get access of.

My teachers simply didn’t teach me that our entire sky is literally clouded with demons of every kind, and no ray of light could pass through the demonic wall, if you see it with your spiritual eyes. That’s how dire our situation is!

No matter what you do, Satan can simply send a couple of demons to harass you so much that you fail, and foil your effort in every way, without you ever discover the cause of your misfortune. And if you ever rebuke a demon or two in the name of Jesus, Satan simply send a dozen more, and more as needed.

They could keep coming at you day in and night out until you get exhausted.

The little Korean Church had battled thousands, and later thousand of thousands of demons that had been sent their way to knock out their ministry, trying to prevent them from publish the books.

Even some of the most demonologically educated branches of Christianity couldn’t match the power of this ministry of “Baptize By Blazing Fire”, because none of the teaching actually describe the reality of our situation by physically seeing the demons that are working against us.

To really win the battle, one or two rebuke or binding Satan in the name of Jesus Christ aren’t enough. You knock out the low ranking demons, and the stronger one will come, and more and more of them will reinforce the battle until they overwhelm you.

Without the spiritual eyes opened, one can wonder why rebuking Satan in the name of Jesus Christ doesn’t seem to work, while in reality, you are battling hundreds of demons, so one or two rebukes are never enough.

It really take advanced spiritual tactics, knowledge, and weapons to win the battles.

I am convinced that if you can’t hear directly from Jesus and see Him frequently, you can’t truly win the battles.

Since I started to do self-deliverance from generational curses and spirits, I discovered there were retaliation from kingdom of Satan. Some were like demons influencing my humans authorities to curse me.

Another evidence was, my younger brother was hearing strange noise in my room these days when I was not there. It could be my guardian angels, however, because I have been releasing angelic protection around the premises recently.

One afternoon in about a month or two ago, I was napping, and just when I was waking up I couldn’t move but I was hearing loud noises of someone banging the door of my bedroom and stomping in. I saw a being in my vision who appeared in the form of my mother, wearing a white robe that angel wear but my real mom doesn’t have robe like that, and “it” stared down at me without saying a word. A split second later, I was able to open my eyes and stand up but saw no one in my room, all was quiet.

I am sure it was a demon, but I was not scared. It could be a demon that had been feeding on my ancestor’s curse line, which I recently broke and it could be angry about the fact that I broke the curse in the name of Jesus Christ.

If you ever become a God lover, Satan has you on his hit list.

He will use all kind of tricks on his hand book to try to destroy your fruitfulness as God’s children.

But we have to get better in the things of God anyway, because there is no better alternative, the only alternative is hell. Generally, Satan doesn’t attack someone who is already heading hell.

I re-discovered from the book the importance of kneeling and praying aloud with my hand lift up. I used to do that in my first few years since I’d been going to church.

I never felt into sleep that way, but since I do contemplative prayer more and more I fell into sleep during prayer often.

Satan deceived me and made me think that it didn’t matter as long as I remain prayerful all day long. One or two nap wouldn’t hurt, Satan says.

But no, we have to pray with our hand lift up and pray aloud if we could. As long as there is no one near by who may be disturbed by out loud prayer, we should pray in that mode.

30 nights of prayers in that form literally help that little Korean church experience victory over the devils and Satan himself, and receive many gifts from heaven.

I am reinstating this kind of prayer as frequent as I can. I think I will experience the same things soon.

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Each soul is born with a calling, and there are unique revelations that God wanted to give him sometime during his life.

If that soul didn’t accept Christ, or, if he did but he refused to live in God’s perfect plan for him, then his unique revelations will be forever lost, or other people might take over what he had (Matthew 13:12).

Every Christian has tremendous potential in Christ (John 14:12), but only revelations from God, and truth that we understand can unleash the potential in us (Matt 16:17-19; John 8:32).

If a person refuses to cooperate with Christ by not following Him and not letting him be the Lord of his life, he will be a bottleneck to God’s divine revelations and truth. In order words, the world and the church will never receive the insights of specific truths, and unique revelations God planned to distribute through that particular person.

The church needs every gift and revelation from every child of God in order to unleash her full potential. We will never attain his or her full blessing if one key puzzle is missing.

Unfortunately, workers are few. That means a lot of Christians are not cooperating with God. Many great revelations and insights into important truths will never reach the Church for the rest of the Church age.

A lot of souls are going to Hell because of that, but we can stop it if we follow God’s call for our life and if we pray for more workers into the harvest field.

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There are three stages when God is answering a prayer. First stage, you ask and it is given. Your prayer is answered, but it means the answer will be delivered to your doorstep.

Second stage, you have to find the answer to your prayer. It might still sit in heaven gathering dust, except there is no dust in heaven. Or it can be buried in a remote island.

Third, okay, you found your answer, but it doesn’t necessary mean that you have access to it. You have to knock the door so that someone, God or angel or someone whom God has chosen, can hand that answer over to you.

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And there is scripture: ‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for him who believes.” Mark 9:23

In Hell or Heaven, the LoA doesn’t work anymore. It only works on earth.

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2. Each of us is supposed to be a pioneer on something: a particular truth, a special area of service, or etc. No one is monopoly of God’s grace and truth. We all need each other. We together are a super network that share and store gifts from God.

3. Christian is a collector of God. Each of us has limit in our capacity and speed, but together we collect more of God, and then we share with other our piece of God. That way, everyone grows faster.

4. Every Christian that goes to heaven will become very beautiful, noble, and divine. Each one will play a role in the age to come. As a church, we support each other, fellowship with one another, and minister to one another for eternity to come. Therefore, while we are still on earth, save more souls, love more souls, because we will all benefit from every single soul that adds to our number.

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A preacher may forget how to love the little ones when he starts counting the many souls he has won for Christ. Yet it is the little ones who would have been his greatest heavenly investment had he invested himself in them.

Having earthly success is hard, but having heavenly success is both harder and easier.

If we spend every moment of our earthly life in the love of God, that’s alone will earn us great reward in heaven. It’s that simple. Yet it’s hardest thing for us to focus on.

It’s relatively easier to earn financial success, relationship success, and career success.These kind of success are countable and touchable.

However, we can miss out so much real fruits that we could have easily borne by seeing what God want us to see, and speaking what God want us to speak. We can bless a soul by speaking exactly the right thing to him at the right time, which is achievable only if we are close to God.

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I was singing to God. This time, I was genuinely praising Him, pure and simple. I told God how happy I was to once again to willingly and happily bear my cross for Him. In the last many months, I had been gradually re-dedicate, re-consecrate, re-surrender, and re-focus my everything to Him: my good, my bad, my success, and my failure. After this wonderful journey in my spirit, I was able to praise Him in a purer manner.

“What a long wait for God!”, I thought. He had been waiting for me to commit my all to Him.

I had consecrated my all to Him before, every time I did it it was genuine and lasting. The only differences between each of my special “consecration” was that, each time it was a deeper and maturer decision than the last one, since as my age progressed and I had more grounds to consecrate to God for.

We think we are the ones who wait, but it was God who has been waiting for us before we were even born. He waited for us to understand Him, to love Him, to trust Him, and to obey Him.

In the book, The Final Quest, the author Rick wrote what he had experienced in heaven: there God the Father is praised all the time, He hears songs from the angels and the saints all day long, because people are madly in love with Him and adore Him so much that they want to do it.

It is so easy to love God in heaven, when people see God in His glory and perfection.

However, someone in heaven told Rick that the kind of worship that makes God the Father cries is the one on earth, because on earth we can’t see God, and we are still in the midst of trials and hardships; we are tempted in every way. If, in the middle of all chaos, we still praise God, the Father and the entire heaven will silent, so the Father can hear the earthly worship with all His attention, and then the Father would weep because His heart is deeply touched. The heaven would weep too because they are so happy that their beloved one is so happy.

I believe that, Oct 9, 2009 is the date that I made God the Father wept. Such an event was rare. I made it a special day to be remembered.

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2. You may want to read a testimony of deliverance from anxiety of committing the unpardonable sin from here.

3. Desert and unemployment are God’s grace. They allow us to re-organize ourselves and prepare for the productive times ahead.

4. When we ask God something, He usually like to give us answer through years of real experiences that He put us through, and on top of that, other people’s experiences and insights. We are like containers. If it’s just me, I have a very little capacity. But with the Church, together we can contain more of God’s grace.

In eternity, we will be able to read the lives of other Saints in heaven like a book. Everyone of us is a book. Our life on earth is our content.

God knows that mere words only allow us to understand with our minds with little depths. In His infinite wisdom, He allows us to go through trials, grace, blessings, suffering, sins, consequences of sins, and temptations on earth so we truly understand His truth.

Together, all of the saints will bring their “book” to heaven, with its content sanctified and cleansed so that we remember evils and goods in our earthly days without the curse and shame. With the millions of millions of “books”, we will have an eternity to grow in the knowledge of God’s words. We will encourage one another and be the bride of Christ forever.

Whatever we go through in life will prepare us for eternity.

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